part 3

Being pregnant was not easy , i was looking after my son new man was going out most nights, i was unhappy lonely , he was forever telling me i was a bad mum to my son and that i couldnt really cope , He didnt really like my son and didnt really give him much time , anyway after nine months i gave birth to a baby boy i was in labour alone new man wasnt there for me , came home the next day life carried on , .... new man started going out more and more he also had a gambling problem so in the day he would be in the machines night time in the pub,
i was really starting to feel down day in day out i was told i was a bad mum , one day new man said to me that he thought my son should go stay with his dad for a while i had had it drummed into so often that i was a bad mum i thought it was the right thing to do , he told me that we couldnt be a real family until my son had gone i was still young and thought he was right,

He sorted it all it was planned my son was going to stay with his dad , the night before i put him to bed i carryed him around his room like i did every night looking at the posters on his wall he really didnt know what was going on this was the last time i would put my little boy to bed,my heart was breaking , ,,,,

back to the begining part 2

Back to where i left of,, life carryed on from day to day my hubbie loved to draw and was bloody good , we didnt have much money but thats life , in the b&b we was staying at we had a room at the front the landlady was a right old busy body lol, after we had been there a while another couple moved in , they seemed odd she was very quite and the man used to go out for walks very late at night , over the weeks we became friends with them ...

i found myself falling for the man that had moved in i was still young and while my hubbie was busy drawing i felt left out, how funny how the young mind works ,,

then one day he asked me to leave with him i thought the grass would be greener on the other side ,, how wrong could i be ,,,
i packed mine and my sons stuff and left without telling my hubbie , went back to dads with this new man who i didnt really know much about at all ,,,,,

hubbie came looking for me i told him it was over ,,,,,,,,

I me and my son started our new life with a new man in our lives a few weeks after i left i found out i was carrying my hubbies baby , what to do,,, my new man was not happy , the choese was taken out of my hands i lost the baby i felt very alone and thought thats what u get for hurting ur hubbie ,,,,,,,,,

me and my new man found our own place to live we had the most awfully rows ,what had i done ,,

After being with him for a few months he started going out at night and not coming in till late he had been drinking and i could always smell perfume on him and i started checking his pockets i would always find phone numbers but was to scared to ring them i was young and stupid but i knew what was going on , as the months went by i started to go into a shell shy quite no friends and very alone i then became pregnant ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

right back to the begining

I writing a blog to try to help me come to terms as to how my life is now , so im going to start right at the beginning for me , I frist fell in love at 15 ( im now 35) engaged with 4 kids very happy but unhappy with anxiety and panic , so back to when i was 15 , just like any normal teen fell in love boyfriend moved into mum and dads , after a few months i fell pregnant still at school sitting my gcse,s me and boyfriend told mum and dad they were great really supported us , we started Babbie shopping and made plans to get married , then sadly we lost our babie i had miscarried everyone thought it was for the best but not me and boyfriend age didnt matter , we got married and was still totally in love , great news i fell pregnant again people did give us the odd look when we was out just 16 and very much pregnant i lived on coke and cakes ,
We had our baby a gorgeous little boy i was scared in pain and only 16 but we was happy boyfriend and mum stayed with me and was great ,

We soon got into a good pattern mum and dad were fab , but sadly mum was not happy dad did enjoy a drink and after many years she decided it was time to leave .she left dad and moved away even tho i was now a mum i stilled wanted my mum so me and hubby followed mum without thinking things thro , we ended up in a b&b but we was near mum and we had each other , Then life started to go so very wrong ..........

i will carry on with my story soon xx